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[personal profile] orange_crushed
It's gotten kind of weird over in that Eleven/Jack thread at [livejournal.com profile] thunderemerald's place. And by weird, I mean awesomely weird. It's made me want to write again. Because every challenge she hands me, I have done, and oh my God she made me do Ten/Jackie and I did it and I'm not sorry and now I have to share it or explode.

So here are a handful of drabbly short-fic thingies that I have done for her. They are all slightly naughty, though nothing more than a PG-13. No real spoilers for anything.



ACCIDENTAL TEN/DONNA.

"Spaceman," Donna said, in a tone of voice that could strip grease from pans and dignity off his soul. "We talked about this."

"About what ?" He looked up and around, dizzily. The room was uncooperative, so he shut his eyes briefly and thought of gravity. Better. "Did we talk ? When did we talk ?" He found her face again and smiled at it. "I was just having the most wonderful dream."

"Oh, were you ?" Her voice was painfully sweet, and almost instantly brutal again. She's like, thought the Doctor, blearily, a lady rollercoaster. "That's nice. Now get your skinny Martian hand off my tits !"

He looked to the side. His hand- not the fighting one, the regular one- was splayed across Donna's chest triumphantly. Funny, he thought, I could have sworn I had my hands on Ro-

-and with that thought, the last of the sedative wore off.

"Yes. Right. Correcto. Klap-nok." He jumped to his feet and held the offending hand slightly out to the side. "That last one means right, too." She glared at him. "I am very, very sorry. In my defense, I'm particularly vulnerable to tranquilizers made from tarquin leaves. I respect your womanly dignity. And." He shifted guiltily on two feet, and her eyebrows raised.

"And what ?"

"They're very nice-" he began, and caught a shoe in the face for his trouble.






MASTER/JACK.

"And somehow, still, you get off on this." The Master rocks backwards against him, nudging his leg between Jack's knees. Jack's breath hitches. "Didn't I have you electrocuted ?"

"It didn't stick," says Jack. He reaches forward, wraps his hand around the Master's tie, and pulls him even closer.

"You're a masochist," says the shorter man. He grins, not a little madly, and licks his lips with a pleased expression. There's something almost innocent about his lack of decency. "Unavoidable side-effect of traveling with Saint Tightass and his chav lady friend." He lowers his lids. "Or maybe-"

"Stop writing your psych thesis," Jack says, "and focus."

"Mm." The Master smiles wickedly and grinds down. "Do remember who's who in this situation."






AWKWARD TEN/JACKIE.

"Did you really meet Shakespeare ?"

He glances across the couch at Jackie, in her best leopard-print robe; she is holding her wine glass at an odd angle that suggests she's refilled it one too many times. She's staring at him intently. "Was he like the painting ?"

"Nobody's like a painting," he says, off-handedly. "Except maybe Charles the First." He smiles at her and she tips sideways for a second in his vision. Obviously he's kept a level and sober head so far, though she seems to be slipping. He hiccups. "Shakespeare was a lot better, and a lot sadder. Very romantic fellow."

"Romantic." Jackie leans in. "Tell me all about it."

"Well," he drawls. "The sonnets, obviously. Beautiful language. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day-"

"Please do," Jackie suggests.

"You're both yellow on top," the Doctor says, stupidly. "That's all I've got at the moment." Jackie looks absurdly pleased. "And sometimes you smell like flowers. Big inexpensive bunches of flowers. That's just like summer." He looks down, and there is a hand creeping up his thigh. "Is that my hand ?"

"No, you lump," Jackie says.

"Where did Rose go for take-away ?" he asks, in a suddenly breathless and girlish voice. "The moon ?"

"Bitar's," says Jackie, in what sounds like her best imitation of a Scarlett O'Hara robot winding down. Her eyes are already half-shut. She leans forward and the Doctor pours his own wine down the front of his trousers as a defense mechanism; Jackie tips over and clunks her head on the table, where she falls almost instantly asleep.

When Rose gets back, the Doctor is wearing a new suit and sitting behind the television set. She doesn't ask. She never asks.

"Did you have fun catching up ?" Rose asks.

"Loads," says the Doctor.






TEN/LUCY SAXON.

She is still there, in the hospital that overlooks the river. For a long time she didn't talk, just let herself be bathed and fed and set in front of the window for long afternoons. Seven months, she didn't talk; and then she screamed. The nurses covered their ears and upped the dose and talked about how they missed the old Lucy.

"I don't," she says, when the screaming is done.

He takes a long time to turn up; a year and twenty-seven days. They stand at opposite ends of the room, her in a white robe and bare feet, him in a three-piece suit. His eyes are full of pity and she hates him and his kind so much she might faint.

"How are you ?" he asks.

"Try the jello," she says, holding out a paper cup. He takes it. "It's poisoned." He looks at her for a long minute and then grins with only one side of his mouth. He crumples the cup and tosses it into the wastebasket.

"I keep forgetting," he says, "you were beside him the whole time."

"That's your mistake," says Lucy. He shrugs. He points to her left hand, the one she held the cup out with.

"You've kept his ring."

"We kept a lot of things," she says. "Mine can be worn."






TEN/MASTER.

They are all gone, eventually; they live in the light and they only live so long. They go back to their lovers and their gardens and their supermarkets. They pick a fight and stay to win it; they have responsibilities at home; they're frightened by the danger. They live.

They die.

"They leave you because you're meant to be left," he says, sprawled on the floor of his cell, against the wall, with his hands folded over one knee. "You're a gap-year pleasure. With just a dash of genocide." He smiles at the Doctor, watches his eyes go utterly black. Lovely. "Careful," he says. "Lose your temper and you'll be all alone again."

"Think I'd prefer that," the Doctor snaps back. It's so hollow. The Master leans his head back, wondering what buttons to push in what order.

"You'd never do it," he says. "Your decency is a cover for your cowardice." The Doctor's jaw clenches. "I'd have killed you. In your place. I'd have killed you and taken your lives and ruled this system like a god," he says. He waits for the Oncoming Overcompensator to babble something about morality. Goodness. About love and babies and sunshine.

But the Doctor laughs. "Is that funny ?"

"You had me at your feet, all the world bleeding, and you kept me." The Doctor folds his arms across his chest. "You could have done it with the press of a button. You could've done it with a knife."

"I was waiting-"

"You're pathetic," says the Doctor, coldly. The Master's hands drop to his sides. "And you know it." The Master stands up, jerkily, trembling with anger and confused rage. This isn't how this goes. This isn't at all how this goes.

"Let me out," he snarls, "and you'll see what I'm capable of."

"Oh, would I ?" The Doctor grins. "Would you dangle me over a shark tank and describe your plans for world domination in excruciating detail ?" He paces forward, tense and not a little manic. "Age me ? Torture me ?" He's within inches. "We're the only ones left." The Master snaps and shoves him backwards against the wall, shaking him with fury. The Doctor doesn't fight it, just wraps his hands around the other man's wrists and breathes in short, angry little gasps.

"We're the only ones left because you killed them all," he screams. "You burned the world down !"

"And you ran," says the Doctor. His eyes are depthless. He doesn't smile; the absence is like the void, the silence. The Master stares back. "And now you're left with me."





...and there may be more later. Probably. Almost definitely. What have I gotten myself into ?

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thunderemerald.livejournal.com
The Scarlett O'Hara robot thing just never stops being funny

Moo ha ha.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] unfolded73.livejournal.com
BWAHAHAHA! Every word of those is win.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] unicorncandy.livejournal.com
Um, I think you might be a little TOO clever.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aimeekitty.livejournal.com
""And what ?"

"They're very nice-" he began, and caught a shoe in the face for his trouble.
"

HAHA! perfect!

"She doesn't ask. She never asks."

of course she doesnt. LOL.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 06:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] biggrstaffbunch.livejournal.com
AHAHAHA.

I love you when you write crack. It is SO pleasing to the eye and brain. I love the Doctor's loaded "Loads," at the end. Ahahahahaha. Oh Rose. OH JACKIE.

<3

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tardis-stowaway.livejournal.com
*giggles*

All three of these are simply fabulous. The Doctor's attempts to compare Jackie to a summer's day were particularly excellent.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 07:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] larissa-j.livejournal.com
They're very nice-" he began, and caught a shoe in the face for his trouble.

LOL
You're awesome.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 07:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starry-eyed.livejournal.com
I signed in and this was AWESOME PIECE OF AWESOME was like the first thing I saw. Lord, oh Lord. Words can not describe how much I loved that Jackie/Ten fic. My favorite bit:

"You're both yellow on top," the Doctor says, stupidly. "That's all I've got at the moment." Jackie looks absurdly pleased. "And sometimes you smell like flowers. Big inexpensive bunches of flowers. That's just like summer." He looks down, and there is a hand creeping up his thigh. "Is that my hand ?"

"No, you lump," Jackie says.


HAHAHAHAHAHA. ILU.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] salienne.livejournal.com
I think Lucy/Ten and Jackie/Ten are my new OTP.

And a highly disturbing threesome in the making.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jeonggam.livejournal.com
OMG PLEASE LET THERE BE MORE. I WANT TO BE ASTOUNDED AGAIN.

These are all brilliant. I love the different moods you've captured, and, of course, I'm always a huge fan of the not-to-written-about being written about. If that makes any sense. So.

Also? "Is that my hand ?" and lady rollercoaster FTWOMGWTFBBQ. Because I laughed out loud, for far too long.

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] watery-tart.livejournal.com
That's it, I'm reading all your fic, where do you keep em?

(found them)

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] claidissa.livejournal.com
Yes. YES.

YES YES YES YES YESSSS

oh my god the Ten/Lucy. SO PERFECT. I will never stop loving the way you write Ten. Or villains. ♥ ♥

Date: Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mylittlepwny.livejournal.com
She leans forward and the Doctor pours his own wine down the front of his trousers as a defense mechanism; Jackie tips over and clunks her head on the table, where she falls almost instantly asleep.

AND THEN ROSE COMES HOME TO FIND HIM SITTING BEHIND THE TELEVISION SET.

It's possible I may never stop laughing.
Also possible? Me telling this story as if it actually happened. To like, a friend of mine. Called the Doctor. With his fabulous mother-in-law.

Oh, you. I always forget how much I miss your writing until you spring it on me with such glory.



Date: Thursday, January 8th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theniwokesoftly.livejournal.com
"You're both yellow on top," the Doctor says, stupidly. "That's all I've got at the moment."

This may have eclipsed the pizza line. Srsly.

Date: Thursday, January 8th, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boxed.livejournal.com
I am so in love with the fact that Ten is both ridiculous and cold in turns, and you write it perfectly. The "We kept a lot of things," she says. "Mine can be worn." absolutely killed me. As did When Rose gets back, the Doctor is wearing a new suit and sitting behind the television set, but for separate reasons entirely. Rose never does ask, bless. I can't help wondering what Nine would have done in that situation, though.

Date: Friday, January 9th, 2009 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] araceli-maura.livejournal.com
I WILL PAY YOU FOR MORE OF THAT TEN/MASTER FIC.

Woa. Excited capslock, how'd you get on? Seriously though. I'm a little in love with it.

Date: Sunday, January 11th, 2009 03:55 am (UTC)
verdant_fire: (dw: partners in crime)
From: [personal profile] verdant_fire
His hand- not the fighting one, the regular one- was splayed across Donna's chest triumphantly. Funny, he thought, I could have sworn I had my hands on Ro-

When Rose gets back, the Doctor is wearing a new suit and sitting behind the television set. She doesn't ask. She never asks.


LOL. Your crack is like a second Christmas. Meanwhile, your Ten/Master is gorgeously dark. I very much hope you're right about there being more to come. :D

Date: Monday, January 12th, 2009 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-spin.livejournal.com
He doesn't smile; the absence is like the void, the silence.

The last one is like, disturbingly wonderful. Just so you know.

Date: Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pikasafire.livejournal.com
Oooh, i'm supposed to be doing an assignment that's due in ... 12 hours and instead I'm steadily working my way through aaaaaaaaaaaaall your fics. That should be a good enough excuse for an extension, I reckon!


"And you ran," says the Doctor. His eyes are depthless. He doesn't smile; the absence is like the void, the silence. The Master stares back. "And now you're left with me."


Best. Line. Ever. That's going to stick with me for a veeeeeeeery long time- in the best way possible! That awesome line is closely followed by the:

"They're very nice-" he began, and caught a shoe in the face for his trouble."

and the WHOLE Doctor/Jackie fic.

You win at life- you really do!!

Date: Tuesday, April 5th, 2011 12:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doctahr.livejournal.com
ROFL. Jackie/Ten. That was just hilarious.
Why no Rose/10th or 9th?

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