FIC: Innocence, PG (R/S)

[orange_crushed]

Innocence, rated PG for suggestion. This is my one concession to holiday fic.... Remus and Sirius, in the snow, are too fabulous to be ignored. Takes place during PoA.


But one day when the snow falls around the windowsill like gentle handprints, feeling their crystalline palms against the tower glass, touching, exploring every line of tree and school and eyelash; he unties the ribbons and slits the yellowing tape.






He finds it in folds of socks and undershirts; swaddled in the manger of a dresser drawer, not holy, not even loved.

It weighs less than his heart. More than his fingers, which tremble, and he drops it. He had expected to find, and has found thus far, only trash and leftovers. Wrapped in red and green paper, with purple and gold ribbons and the insipid plastic head of a jolly snowman; it jingles at him from the bedroom floor. It has all the singular charm and bad taste of the man who tied the knots. Remus stares at it. He doesn't know, can't understand. Sirius has been in Azkaban since before the first snow fell.

And here, in his rubbish, is a gift.





It spends twelve years at the bottom of a shoebox in the dark.

The paper molders and dries; the plastic snowman's orange nose is rubbed down to white, and his rolling eyes chip off. The ribbons flatten and lose their sheen. Remus feels the process working within and without him has been much the same.

But one day when the snow falls around the windowsill like gentle handprints, feeling their crystalline palms against the tower glass, touching, exploring every line of tree and school and eyelash; he unties the ribbons and slits the yellowing tape. What unfolds in his hands is a scarf. It is brown, the softest shade, the brown of clay riverbanks and old pennies. The color of Remus's eyes. He holds it up against the firelight and an envelope slips from the creases.

Dear Remus, the plain card says. It's not just a scarf, you berk.

He wraps it around his neck.





When he opens his eyes, it is ninteen-seventy-eight. He knows this because he remembers the day, down to the minute, to the second, to the heartbeat that fluttered beneath Sirius's outstretched hand.

"Catch me," he says, and lights up the rise into the woods, feet flying, snow kicked up only to scatter against the wind. Remus can feel the sensation of the cold but not the sting, and in his mind he's carried through the fading pine trees, under the delicate arches of antique elm and oak, knobbled twig and branch showing like bone against the winter light. There's no sound but the rushing in his ears, the muffled thumps of booted feet, and Sirius's laughter.

He is caught. "Ruffian !" Sirius calls out, and bearhugs him, knocking them both into a bank of snow. They stay like that, warm and solid, snow against their backs, for a long minute. Sirius watches his face, smiles at him, rubs his nose into the fringe of hair escaping Remus's hat. Remus watches this, desperate, outside time, feeling at once the heat of the fire in the room and the chill of the air on his bare neck, fifteen years ago.

Sirius bends his mouth over Remus's, touches his lips, warms them with a breath, kisses him, loves him. The feeling has lasted this long, tucked inside paper and string.

The memory fades.





The office returns; books and parchments scattered at his elbow, a stout Hogwarts fire before his feet, and a cup of tea forgotten. The scarf sits firmly and comfortably at his throat, run out of charmed visions for the moment. He glances back down at the card in his hands, and turns it over.

Guaranteed to last forever, it says.

And at last, he knows it will.

Comments

[xmindthegapx.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness.

This is lovely. I love it. The descriptions are gorgeous and it has this beautiful sadness to it.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. My favorite Christmas stories have sadness becoming joy. :)

[paulamcg.livejournal.com]

Your writing is beautiful and shows the story excellently: vividly and clearly. Its flow is also (seemingly) effortless despite the three moments separated by years. You don’t include any unnecessary explanations (for Remus’s reactions)…

Or any tricks beyond the verbal language, with the exception of the blank lines. (I mean: yay for no unnecessary italics, asterisks etc!) Yes, I think that this technical detail completed my enjoyment. I could completely lose myself in the illusion of sharing all this with your Remus, just as he lived the memory as real.

The concrete details are enchanting: the description of the wrapping, of the office, of the woods and, of course – as the climax – of Sirius loving him. Your ability to make the memory convincingly Remus’s own is amazing.

You add a partly humorous reference to the possibility that charmed visions are normal gifts in this magical world: the guarantee written on the plain card. At the same time I want to believe that the more universal message can be read in the way the fact that Sirius once loved him remains for ever.

Now you’ve distracted me from my fiction-writing and into this babbling. Do you mind if I friend you, so I’ll be inspired by gems like this in the future, too?

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Thank you, friend me, yes, delightful ! I would love to friend you in return if you'll have me.

Your review is so lovely, and I appreciate every word. I'm like you in that unnecessary italics distract me, though asterisks send me into absolute hysterics.

And I did really like the idea of a memory-charmed gift. Memory and magic are already so interwoven in the Potterverse. I've wished many times that I could stick a perfect day into a picture frame. ;) Go, go write some fic !

[paulamcg.livejournal.com]

Oh, I’ll love having you. It’s not every day I meet people who believe in the power of simple blank lines, and of lines with magically beautiful words – and in Remus who hasn’t been twisted and is still able to stand up. (Yes, I’m going to write more about him.)

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Ha, glee. I look forward to it.

[the-grynne.livejournal.com]

not holy, not even loved.

The feeling has lasted this long, tucked inside paper and string.

And at last, he knows it will.

Oh, god. I've missed your writing. This is gorgeous, delicate and infused with your (your) version of Remus, whom I so love. In the hands of another writer, it would be a story of heartbreak and regrets, but even though the heartbreak is there, your Remus is above theatrics; he'll take what he gets, even the pain, and he'll cherish it as much as all the happy memories. It's not that he's numb or resigned to his own suffering - and he's known so much - but he hasn't been twisted by it.

I hope you had a Merry Christmas, my dear.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

It's not that he's numb or resigned to his own suffering - and he's known so much - but he hasn't been twisted by it.

Oh, yes yes yes. Thank you. If it counts, I missed your comments, too. :) I think we've talked about this Remus before, this man who is still able to stand up. And I do love him so.

I had a wonderful Christmas ! Complete with minor Christmas miracles; like when the baggage handlers broke my suitcase and dumped it into a pool of standing water, but the only thing that wasn't wet was the black lace dress and sweater I was wearing to a cousin's wedding, that day. Not possible or likely: I give Sirius and his enchanted reindeer all the credit.

How was your holiday ? I hope it was fun and slightly magical, as all good holidays are.

[the-grynne.livejournal.com]

My Christmas was exciting and exhausting, meeting with family and spending Christmas Day with a friend's family (her mother is a whirlwind of a party planner, every minute of the day was packed with food and games and gift-opening). I'd be happy to be able to mellow out and just spend time with my books and my computer for the next week or so. :)

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Sounds lovely but crazy. I have such a small and clannish family, that spending a lot of the holiday with my husband's huge brood was a little overwhelming, too.

So: relax ! Float on the soothing bubbles of the internet. Or, whatever. ;)

[orangewinters.livejournal.com]

First off, yay for fic from you!

As for the fic, I must simply say a very unarticulate, awwww. I love the imagery and the way you capture both of them. This reminds me why I should go back to reading more fic.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Hee. I like awwww. It is the human sound for snuggling. Yes, yay, read more fic !

[ladyblakh.livejournal.com]

Lovely fic! It's a very good idea that Remus finds a Christmas present from Sirius after he's been taken to Azkaban. I've also had ideas like this, like Remus giving Sirius the gift he bought for Christmas 1981 when Sirius comes back to "lay low" with him. It's a great symbol really, I mean they had their hopes and bought their gifts but everything went to hell. Maybe Sirius had bought a gift for James too. That could be a great story as well. But more sad...

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Thank you !

And oooh, for ideas. You should go write some fic now ! :)

[germanbee.livejournal.com]

I was having an absolutely horrible day and I came home to find this on my friends page.

You have cheered me up big time, my dear. Thank you so, so much!

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

I am so glad to bring you happiness ! Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hope that the day looked up for you.

[passakiss.livejournal.com]

You're very talented. O: I love this. Beauty in simplicity.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Hee. Thank you so, so much. Actually, I think your icon is really charming. Is it from something ?

[passakiss.livejournal.com]

Thanks! But I don't really remember. Dx Song lyrics from some really old song. Frank Sinatra, maybe?

[hereswith.livejournal.com]

I'm not really into HP, as you know, but your writing amazes me, as always :-) Beautiful!

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

I know ! And you still take the time to read my stuff. I always appreciate it. Thanks for sticking around, and for the lovely things you say.

[ishonn.livejournal.com]

This story is just wonderful. I tried to reread it, but I started to cry, so perhaps I won't.

All I can think of is thank you. Thank you for the stupid everlasting love that outlives pain and mistrust, faults and anger. Thank you for this magical moment undisturbed by doubts and fears, set in a faerie land of snow and silent trees that you paint so vividly. Thank you for these Remus and Sirius - so alive and true.

Yes, I agree with paulamcg about your style. You don't drown the beautifully detailed picture in abstract conclusions, in overemotional babbling. You let me see Remus, see with Remus, and thus be Remus, share this gift with him. Thank you for that, too.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

I am very much flattered. And I do hope that I've accomplished what you say- the experience of putting the reader in the character's shoes. Very glad to hear that you enjoyed it, and I hope you'll stick around.

[ishonn.livejournal.com]

Certainly you did accomplish this. Not only through vivid painting, but also through the accuracy of your insights and the way you could touch me. I really loved it.

I've allowed myself to check your LJ and read "Cold, but not too deep" - I wasn't quite able to review, but I'd like to get back to this, if I may. I hope not to miss your next fics.

[ekaterin24.livejournal.com]

I echo what paulamcg and ishonn said. This is beautifully written--you've expressed the sadness, memory, and enduring love all perfectly. Thank you.

I'm saving this one to memories, for when I want beautiful bittersweetness.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Yay ! I welcome the opportunity to pop up in your memories. :) Thanks for taking the time to read, and especially to leave a note.