If you love "Twilight" best stay away until tomorrow. ILU, IT'S OK.

[orange_crushed]

I never intend to rip on Twilight it just kind of HAPPENS and then suddenly there are macros and I am giggling uncontrollably. So. Intense big spoilers for Breaking Dawn under the cut. (And it's all in good fun, obviously we all have very different tastes.)

OH JOHN RINGO SMEYERS NO.

Comments

[the-spin.livejournal.com]

TBH I'M THINKING THE WIKIPEDIA ENTRY IS MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THE BOOK WILL BE DUE TO IT PACKING THE CRAZY INTO A MUCH SMALLER BLOCK OF TEXT.

IT IS PURE MAGICAL LULZ

ALSO ILU

AND YOU FORGOT 'IT IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE TO PERFORM A C-SECTION USING ONLY YOUR TEETH'

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

'IT IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE TO PERFORM A C-SECTION USING ONLY YOUR TEETH'

DEAR GOD HOW COULD I FORGET THAT
AHHHHHHHHH

ALSO: "IF THERE ARE ANY PROBLEMS IN DELIVERY, IT IS BEST TO BITE PREGNANT WOMEN REPEATEDLY BEFORE ADMINISTERING CPR."

[the-spin.livejournal.com]

SOUND MEDICAL ADVICE, THANK YOU SMEYER

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

SHE'S ALL ABOUT THE SCIENCE FACTS.

FOR EXAMPLE, THIS GEM: IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE BOTH DAZZLING AND DAZZLED AT THE SAME TIME.

[flinkkamingo3.livejournal.com]

'IT IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE TO PERFORM A C-SECTION USING ONLY YOUR TEETH'

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??

[the-spin.livejournal.com]

READ THE SUMMARY YOUR MIND WILL EXPLODE

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

AND THEN RE-FORM AND THEN EXPLODE AGAIN

[rach-padfoot.livejournal.com]

Try reading the actual book.

I think my brain is melted cheese by this point.

[the-spin.livejournal.com]

Okay, actually it's not in the summary but people were talking about it on ONTD and apparently Edward like BITES THROUGH THE PLACENTA TO GET THE BABY OUT. WITH HIS TEETH.

ARE YOU DAZZLED?

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

I'M FUCKING ELECTRIFIED

[flinkkamingo3.livejournal.com]

WELL OBVS BUT I THINK I PUKED IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE ALSO. SHIT SON.

She must be on, like, crystal meth or something, because outside of the symptoms of amphetamine psychosis, I don't know how anyone could make that shit up.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Peyote.

Peyote could do it.

[shinyopals.livejournal.com]

I DON'T EVEN READ TWILIGHT, AND YET I LOVE YOU.

I WAS ALSO COMPELLED TO SEEK OUT THE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE.

(I can't help but think she *must* be messing with our heads. She got a movie deal, so shoved as much crack and HORROR into the last book, to see how the movie folks would deal with it!)

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

I can't help but think she *must* be messing with our heads.

I WISH I COULD BELIEVE THAT.

But maybe she is- maybe the world is experiencing the truly amazing and twisted sense of humor of one S. Meyers. If so, she and I would be friends for life. XD

[shinyopals.livejournal.com]

XD I know. I would suddenly have a tonne of respect for the woman. I mean, I'm already semi impressed that she's made herself rich with this stuff, but if it was all an elaborate troll?

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

Especially if she had a secret volcano base shaped like a skull, and she was sitting at the top of it cackling to herself while eating chocolates dipped in gold. "Smeyers," she would say to herself, reading reaction posts, "troll harder."

Then we would totally all have to hang out.

[shinyopals.livejournal.com]

BWAH.

I can now picture this. It is a truly awesome picture.

Smeyers/Master = OTP... XD

[goldy-dollar.livejournal.com]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I love this book. Purely for all the entertainment it's given me over the last few days. :D

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

I haven't even read the darn thing and I'll be dining out on it for weeks. Pure gold. Classic. XD

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

OMG the last one KILLED ME. :D

I don't read Twilight, but it's been interesting reading all the reviews on the flist.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

It's the dog's face that sells it- "WTF !!11!" Hee.

Yeah, exactly- the reactions are hilarious all on their own. I just read a plot summary and was like WHUT so I'm sure all the fans are freaking out for a reason !

[nebbity.livejournal.com]

WIN.

How about, “HEY KIDS! YOU MAY THINK YOU DON’T WANT KIDS, BUT HAVE A BABY AT EIGHTEEN AND ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS WILL MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR!”

(Ihatebabies.)

[nebbity.livejournal.com]

Do you mind if I link you at forks_it?

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

All yours, baby. Should I make this entry public ? (To whit: will anyone set me on fire ?)

[nebbity.livejournal.com]

No fire. VAMPIRES DO NOT PHERE FIRE.

I mean... it's a community made to mock Twilight. You'll be their sexy macro queen.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

MY FONDEST WISH !

Yay.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

OMG I just spent like fifteen minutes scrolling around that comm and it is THE BEST THING EVER. How did I not know about it ? How ???

ILU.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

COLLEGE IS FOR SUCKERS !

ALSO, IT'S OKAY TO BE ATTRACTED TO YOUR DAD'S SMELL AND MARRY YOUR BABY OFF TO A WEREWOLF WHEN SHE'S STILL IN DIAPERS: IT'S JUST A VAMPIRE THING. IT IN NO WAY TELLS US SOMETHING ABOUT THE AUTHOR'S INNER LIFE.

AHHHHHHHH

also

[the-spin.livejournal.com]

_tigermilk made this and it's kept me in LULZ for hours now:

Re: also

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOL NOOO, THE JOKER AND I CAN'T AGREE ON ANYTHING, IT'S WRONG.

SOOOO DELICIOUSLY WRONG.

[flinkkamingo3.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHA.

Seriously, someone's name is "Renesmee"?? I can't even pronounce that in my head.

I'm in the process of reading a lolzy summary so I don't actually have to read the book this time just to know what happens. I've learned from my past mistakes and would like to protect the remaining brain cells that haven't yet fallen victim to spray paint and vodka.

Side-note: how hilarious would a fic in which, like, Spike runs into Edward be? I will tell you: REALLY HILARIOUS. I bet someone somewhere has written one.

[orange-crushed.livejournal.com]

I thought originally it was pronounced "RENEE IS ME" and I thought it was some kind of bizarre clue/hint or... I don't know what I thought, really. It just seemed like a typo.

Oh man, cleolinda's summary is definitely the best ever. I read that earlier and laughed soooo hard. It gave me enough information that I know I'm not interested... except in a lulzy way.

(SPIKE VS EDWARD FTW. If you find it, please share it, LOL.)

[nostariel]

Have you read shinga's summery of (most of) the first book? And her cracked out fanart that started a flamewar on her DA account? IT'S AMAZING. But now that cleo's finally written up her summary, that'll probably be even more awesome.

I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THESE BOOKS BUT I LOVE THEM FOR THE LULZ THEY HAVE GIVEN ME. TRULY, RAPTOR JESUS AND CEILING CAT HAVE REWARDED THEIR FAITHFUL.

[angeldye.livejournal.com]

wait.. did someone say RAPTOR JESUS!?! :)

RAPTOR JESUS SAVES

[nostariel]

[larissa-j.livejournal.com]

Everything I've ever seen about this book and fandom scare me.

I think it's because the Doctor Who fandom is so sane and well behaved. Must be because Who is so very British and this is not. o_O

*coughs* Quite right.

[nostariel]

Holy shit that dog's reaction is PRICELESS. :D

[aidara.livejournal.com]

Have you seen cleolinda's hilarious commentaries? XD

These books make me hate the world a little.

[aidara.livejournal.com]

Heh, obviously ignore. Gotta learn to read the comments first.

[angeldye.livejournal.com]

I just shit a pickle laughing @ all of this.